It's All Too Much Read online

  Accessories

  Accessories are the small extra additions—a scarf, a necklace, a handbag, cuff links—that make a good outfit great. Remember that with accessories a little goes a long way. Handbags, easy to acquire and tough to let go of, are particularly hard to store neatly.

  When it comes to handbags, I’m going to give you a choice. If you don’t use your handbags, you must pare down the collection to fit the space. And if you have room for a prized handbag collection, you must justify it by emptying your purse every night—the way men empty their back pockets—to keep your purse contents spare and easily transferable.

  Jewelry may seem so small that it can’t possibly cause clutter, but jewelry is very hard to store neatly and most people only wear a fraction of what they have. I want you to enjoy what you have to the fullest through organization, even when it comes to the smallest details.

  Start by throwing away all the little boxes that your jewelry came in. They may seem fancy with their velvet cases, but they aren’t. Now get rid of everything you don’t wear, no matter how valuable it seems. (If it’s so valuable, it’s an easy eBay sale—easy to box and cheap to ship.) Have one jewelry box that fits your whole collection and separates necklaces, rings, bracelets, and earrings. Try pinning pierced earrings through a piece of fabric so it is easy to see all your options at once. This also prevents them from getting lost or separated.

  Invest in a hamper

  It’s a simple rule: Clean clothes are either hung or folded in your closet or drawers, dirty clothes live in a hamper before their trip to the washing machine or dry cleaner. I have never been able to understand the urge to cover a bedroom floor with yesterday’s socks, underwear, T-shirt, and jeans. Consider what you want from your bedroom and then ask yourself if dirty clothes on the floor are part of that plan. I didn’t think so. Get into the habit of placing clothes that are in need of washing into a hamper as soon as you take them off. This keeps your bedroom clear of clothing clutter, avoids an eyesore no one wants, and keeps all your laundry in one place and ready to be washed.

  Storage

  The majority of your closet should be filled with clothes you wear frequently and that make you feel good. Use the season switch to review your wardrobe and get rid of the past season’s clothes that you didn’t end up wearing and the upcoming season’s clothes that don’t look appealing when you pull them out of storage. Clean and store off-season items so they are easier to find in your closet.

  What’s under the bed?

  Look under the bed in your master bedroom. Traditional feng shui teaches that it is extremely bad for energy flow to have anything under the bed. I don’t know much about feng shui, but I do know that cluttered space is wasted space.

  Drag everything that’s under the bed out to the middle of the room. It turns out there are monsters under most beds—in the form of dust mites. Keeping all this stuff under your bed is not healthy and it’s not necessary. Decide if you need anything that was stored under the bed. If you really do and there’s nowhere else to store it, put the items in clear containers with lockable lids. Shut the lids tight—and put the containers back under your bed. In six months (or through a change of season if you store clothes there), if you haven’t needed or visited what’s under your bed, I’d seriously consider throwing everything away. Bag up the rest and throw it in the trash.

  Out of sight is not out of mind. If you want your master bedroom to be a sanctuary and a haven for you and your partner, then you have to make sure that includes even the areas that you can’t see.

  REALITY CHECK—GIVING TO CHARITIES

  Goodwill receives a billion pounds of clothing every year. Ultimately, they use less than half of the clothing they get. Clothing is cheap, and the cost of sorting, cleaning, storing, and transporting the clothes is higher than their value. If you wouldn’t give an article to a family member, it’s probably not good enough for charity. Sure, it’s great to get the tax deduction and it makes you feel like you didn’t waste money buying the clothes, but if you’re truly charitable, be sensitive to the needs of the organization. Charities aren’t dumping grounds for your trash. Talk to your local charities or visit www.charitynavigator.org. Find out what they can most use. Although giving to charities is a great way to get stuff out of your house, it’s far better not to let stuff into your house.

  Room 2

  Kids’ Rooms

  KIDS LEARN SO MUCH MORE from what they see than from what they hear. Why else would parents say, “Everything I tell that kid goes in one ear and out the other!”? It’s frustrating for me to listen to parents complaining that their kids won’t clear the clutter in their rooms, or take care of their things. Inevitably, I’ve just heard those same parents bellyaching about the clutter that fills their homes. Don’t complain that your child won’t tidy his room when your closet is spewing clothes into your bedroom, or the garage is so full of clutter that you don’t remember the last time you parked your car in there. Model the behavior you want from your children and then I’ll throw a little sympathy your way.

  Think it Through

  How a household operates greatly affects what is in it, and the typical American household operates nothing like it did even twenty years ago. The most recent research indicates that many families don’t spend much time together. When they do, the time tends to be spent going to and from classes, lessons, or sporting events, or, as is most usually the case, the whole family goes shopping.

  Kids have more access than ever to vast amounts of information and a great deal of media influence and advertising. More than ever, it is imperative for parents to be parents, to demonstrate by their words and actions what they value, and to model the behavior they desire for their kids. In my experience, the less clutter and more organization you can build into your home, the less stress, more fun, and greater harmony you’ll enjoy.

  Set it Up

  Refer to your Room Function Chart and have everyone sign on.

  Establish zones for the different activities that take place. in the kids’ bedrooms.

  Remove what doesn’t belong in the rooms.

  Make it Happen

  Establish the zones

  When you establish the zones with your child, it’s important to help him or her understand where things belong in the room and in the house by creating clear zones for like items. This reinforces the concept of everything having a proper place. It also makes it easier for children to tidy the room and helps them take responsibility for order in their own space.

  As a starting point, think of the things your child likes to do—play with toys, read, play games, draw or paint, build models, display bug collections, or play an instrument. Create a place for each of these activities. A bookshelf for reading materials, a low shelf to store games, bins for toys, a table for painting or craft activities, a music stand and storage bins for sheet music, and so on. Once you’ve established the activity zones, be creative in labeling these areas. Get your child involved. Ensure that the shelving and storage units are at the right height for the child and consistently reinforce the correct place for storing and displaying your child’s belongings.

  ZONE GAME

  Make zoning fun for kids by asking them to pick out an item that represents each of the different activities they do in their bedrooms. “You make art? What can you find that you use to make art?” After a while you’ll have a pile representing each of the activities: a paintbrush for art, a pillow for sleep, a book for reading, etc. Now ask your child to make signs (or take pictures) showing each of the items. Use these signs to label the different zones.

  One giant toy chest

  Mapping out zones is just the beginning. Now let’s look at the stuff that occupies those zones. For many of the families I work with, excess is the norm. If one toy is good, then it follows that fifty toys must be great! If a child enjoys one game, then naturally twenty games will bring twenty times the enjoyment—right? Wrong. Many parents lavish their children with toys and othe
r gifts to the point that I have found homes that are completely overrun with toys, stuffed animals, electronics, bikes, and a thousand other playthings. Birthday parties and holiday gifts only make it worse. Often grandparents overindulge the kids, and many parents tell me they don’t know how to say no. For everyone’s sake, it’s time you learned!

  Whether the problem is in your child’s bedroom, his playroom, or her takeover of the family’s living space, one challenge is always constant: toy management. Sure, we all know toys are important. They inspire, educate, and entertain your kids. But if you manage toys well, you will teach your child so much more than how to play.

  Every important lesson that kids need to learn about life they can learn from their toy bins—if only their parents can be brave enough and loving enough to see that for children less is more. (Needless to say, there are a lot of adults who could also learn a thing or two here.) Children need the basics to survive and thrive—love, food, and shelter. Without these necessities, life would be impossible. But they also need two other basics—limits and routines. Kids thrive on limits and relish routines. Create a life model by setting and enforcing reasonable limits and establishing clear routines.

  Toy limits

  Kids today—their attention spans are so short. You have so much to do. It’s easy to give them a constant supply of new toys to keep them occupied. Often it’s easier to fulfill their requests (or demands!) for new entertainment than to plan a play date or find time to go to a museum or park. But if a child only has to ask—or scream—and know that another plaything will be forthcoming, how does he or she learn that you cannot own everything? The behavior that says it’s all right to acquire and acquire and acquire is learned at a very early age and is a lesson that is very difficult to later unlearn. Isn’t that why you are reading this book?

  The child’s first three years set the tone for the rest of his or her life. From the beginning you, as the parent, must provide some limit to how much your child can own. Here is a simple strategy to help you. Provide your child with a couple of bins for toys—two or three—whatever is reasonable for the space you have. These bins are where the toys live. Not on the furniture in the family room, or in Mom and Dad’s room, or in the backseat of the car. When the bins are full, that’s it. No more toys. Before a new toy can be added, a toy of similar size has to be removed and given away to charity or someone who will value and use it.

  LESSONS LEARNED FROM TOY LIMITS

  Setting limits teaches the child:

  you can’t own everything.

  there is joy and satisfaction in giving to others who are less fortunate.

  Mom and Dad (or the grandparents) are not a bottomless pit of supply.

  you must make decisions surrounding the things you own.

  you must decide what is important to you, value it, and look after it.

  This may seem harsh, but children really do not need an endless supply of things to be happy. And it is a parent’s obligation to help the child create a world in which solid values come before the acquisition of the latest video game or newest gadget. This investment when the child is young will yield huge dividends later on in life.

  Outgrown toys

  Kids outgrow everything quickly, including their interest in toys. It’s important to regularly sort toys with your kids, to discard and pass on everything that they have outgrown, that they no longer play with, or that is damaged. Don’t do this on your own. Involve the kids in deciding what should stay and what should go.

  Arrange the toys in distinct piles—either by type of toy, by age appropriateness, or by length of time the child has had the toy. This will help your children see the toys as distinct groups and make the task more manageable. Agree on the volume of toys that is reasonable to keep, factoring in the size of the space, then work together to that goal.

  Be patient—learning to part with the things that have memories can be tough. Don’t we all know it! It always helps to schedule this purge right before a birthday or the holidays when kids are looking forward to some new toys.

  Toy routines

  Just as limits are important in helping kids manage clutter, so are simple routines. In addition to owning a reasonable, manageable quantity of toys, children need to learn the regular rhythm of picking up after themselves. At the end of the play session or at the end of the day, the toys need to be returned to their bins. If this seems unreasonable, go back to the vision you have for the life you want. If you want a lifetime of picking up after your children, this is where it starts. Your choice!

  LESSONS LEARNED FROM TOY ROUTINES

  This daily activity of returning toys to their homes teaches the child:

  the importance of personal responsibility.

  the fundamentals of being organized.

  the concepts of timetables and scheduling.

  to participate as a member of a larger family.

  to help with simple chores that grow as the child matures.

  Not surprisingly, most of the clutter problems I deal with involve adults who have no concept of limits or routines for themselves, much less their kids. Who can blame them? As children, they never learned these concepts from their own parents.

  Outgrown gear and clothes

  It doesn’t just take a village to raise a child. Apparently—in the United States at least—it takes a few major retailers, a number of where-to shopping guides, a detailed list of the latest accessories, any number of weekly sales, a barrage of television and radio commercials, and must-have designer clothing—all of which add up to a whole lot of gear. Added to the toy clutter are the early childhood necessities like cribs, strollers, car seats, swings, slings, high chairs, and so on. “They grow up so fast” doesn’t just mean we should treasure the moments with our kids. It also means that last year’s winter coat won’t fit this year and the high chair that was so helpful last year is now taking up much-needed space. When you combine that rapid growth with fashions that come and go, you have a recipe for a ton of stuff coming into your home but not necessarily anything going out. You absolutely must create a system to deal with the constant influx of clothing and kid-related paraphernalia.

  As I hope you’re starting to realize by now, the only answer to managing inflow is to create an equal volume of outflow. Don’t hold on to stuff just because it’s cute or expensive or sentimental. Find a friend or a charity to bring a load of outgrown hand-me-downs to every six months. Talk with other parents in your child’s playgroup or school—look for creative ways to pass hand-me-

  downs to others who will value and use them. You’ll make some lucky kid very happy and save some parent’s budget serious strain!

  INTRODUCING YOUR CHILD TO GIVING

  If letting go of once prized possessions is new and hard for your child, try the following techniques.

  Meet the charity. Put a face to the recipient of your child’s toys. Before giving anything away, go to a shelter or charity and show your child how his hand-me-downs will be used by someone who needs them more.

  Demonstrate by example. Before asking your children to donate, involve them in your own donation project. Let them help you find clothes you never wear. Show them how happy you are about finding a “good home” for things you once loved. Ask them if they’d like to give it a try.

  Situational education. When certain catastrophes, large and small, happen in the world and in your life, seize the moment to teach your child about giving. For example, a TV interview with a hurricane victim is a way to give a face to the clothes you’re sending away. Or passing a homeless person on the street is a chance to explain that some people have a harder life, and we can help them.

  Birthday giving. A child’s birthday is a great time to pair the influx of gifts with some giving. Duplicate presents are easy to give away and doing it helps get the child used to the idea. It’s also a good time to purge old toys and clothes: “Now that you’re such a big girl, let’s see what you’ve outgrown.”

  Art and Scho
olwork—To Keep or Not to Keep

  I was recently speaking to a large group of people about clutter and organization. One of the men in the audience had twenty-four-year-old twin boys who were in college. Much to his wife’s discomfort, he had kept every single piece of schoolwork the boys had done since preschool. Every test, every homework assignment, every project, every notebook. Every single piece! Once it had filled their basement to capacity, it crept upstairs and was now stored throughout the house. When I asked why he felt compelled to keep every single item his sons had ever created, the man said it was because they wanted to go through it one day. Much to his horror, I borrowed his cell phone and called one of the boys then and there. When I recounted his father’s reasoning, the boy said, “Let me tell you something about my dad…I love him, but he is crazy!” Even Dad couldn’t help laughing at that spontaneous but pretty accurate assessment!

  When it comes to children’s art and schoolwork, it gets hard to tell whether the parents are saving it for the child or for themselves. I have heard all the excuses: “I don’t have any of my own schoolwork to look back at,” or “She will want it one day,” or “It’s so good I couldn’t throw it away,” or “He would be upset if I didn’t keep it.” Don’t use your children as a shield for the real reason you will not let go of your kid’s art or schoolwork. It’s time to face reality. While it makes sense to keep some of the best pieces of your child’s work, is it possible that the stuff you are keeping represents something you yourself miss and yearn for? Or is it that you cannot separate the memory of your child’s achievement from the piece itself? Both of these possibilities have some legitimacy, within reason. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if it’s for you or for your child because one thing is certain—you cannot and should not keep everything!