It's All Too Much Page 6
The situation was a little different when it came to Larry and Jason’s garage. Larry saw the garage as the primary storage for his main hobby—buying furniture and bric-a-brac at yard sales and reselling it at swap meets. Jason was an avid gardener and your classic home repair guy and he wanted lots of space to do both. Larry had the garage jammed with more than a hundred large plastic tubs that were filled with every imaginable yard sale item and every type of furniture. Jason’s tools, paint cans, plumbing parts, and minor home-renovation projects covered the floor where the family cars should have been parked. Not surprisingly, the garage had been a source of contention for a very long time. Now they decided that they would devote half the garage to their new car, and the other half to their projects; they created zones for each hobby and only kept what fit in the allocated space. The rest Larry sold in what he called “the mother of all yard sales.” Away it all went, and in came the new car—one of their most expensive possessions. It was not until Larry and Jason coordinated their visions for the garage that they were able to manage the clutter and decide together what really belonged in there and what did not.
And so it goes. No one is a mind reader. When visions for a shared space are openly discussed, everyone has an opportunity to voice their views. In this way, criteria can be agreed upon for what is kept and what is let go. It really isn’t rocket science! If you thought dealing with your own clutter was exciting, you are in for a real thrill when others come into the mix—and probably up for some revealing surprises!
I hope that you are excited by this process and the possibilities it will open up for you and your family. I have tried it hundreds of times in as many different situations and I can vouch for the transformation that has manifested. What I’m trying to do here is help you to redefine your relationship to your stuff. Stuff alone doesn’t make you happy and when it becomes “too much,” it separates you from what you want and who you love. “The stuff” can very easily become the major hurdle that traps you in a miserable and unsatisfying life rather than assisting you to live the life you truly want. I have seen it time and again—if you open your space, you open your life to infinite possibilities.
Part Two
Putting Clutter in Its Place
Step 1
Kick Start—Tackling
the Surface Clutter
I HOPE THAT in reading the first part of this book, you’ve started to change the way you see the stuff in your life. Maybe you’ve started to envision the life you want and to think about removing the physical and mental obstacles along the way. This is something that gets me excited and I hope that excitement and enthusiasm is contagious. But now, enough of the theory! It’s time to take action and put clutter in its place. We’re going to tackle your home one room at a time. In each room we’ll make hard decisions about what to keep.
To get the whole household warmed up, I like to start by doing a high-speed, low-level purge, otherwise known as the Kick Start.
Quick and Dirty
I am frequently asked if it’s tough making people throw stuff away. This is a question that I find impossible to answer for a few reasons. First, I don’t think it’s possible for me to make people do anything they don’t want to do. If you or I are forced to do something, it’s unlikely that we will ever feel committed to that decision, so what’s the point? I don’t coerce people into submission. I want these changes to be permanent and happily accepted, otherwise, within a month, your home will look exactly as it looked when we started! Second, the mind-set you have will greatly affect how we proceed, how you feel, and what, in the end, we achieve. I have never considered what I do helping people “get rid of stuff.” Yes, there have been cases where 90 percent of what was in a home has been removed. Don’t misunderstand me: I love to see the clutter go and cheer wildly for every square inch of floor space that we clear. But what I am doing is helping people see what it is that they need, love, honor, and really use in their homes. Once these items are identified, what is left has no place in the house. So there are two ways you can look at this process. If you look at it as throwing stuff away, it will be a tough undertaking. If, however, you understand that from the clutter and disarray you are going to unearth those things that are most important in your life—like a thrilling archeological dig—then what we are doing is the most positive and exciting thing you have done for yourself in a long time.
Keep this in mind and don’t worry about making the hard decisions now. Just because you understand the reason you’re holding on to the dingy, tattered pot holders your grandmother crocheted—because you’re afraid to let go of her memory—doesn’t mean you’re ready to stuff them down the trash chute. You need to figure out the best way to honor that memory in the space you have. If you’re ready to part with the pot holders, by all means, do! But for now, think of it this way: Most people have two kinds of clutter.
Lazy clutter
Lazy clutter is all the stuff that accumulates out of negligence over time. It’s not stuff that you care too much about, so you ignore it: unfiled papers, unopened junk mail, magazines, unwanted gifts, or that freebie cap you brought home from the grocery store but will never wear. In my experience, lazy clutter is little more than trash and one of the few purposes it serves is to accumulate on every flat surface in your home, gathering dust and making your personal spaces look and feel messy.
Stored treasures
Stored treasures are things like your grandmother’s hand-crocheted pot holders or your child’s first pair of shoes. This is the sentimental clutter that you feel attached to and is hardest to part with.
For our Kick Start, we’re not going to make the tough decisions that come with dealing with stored treasures. The first step is to take on the lazy clutter, then later we’ll go through your other belongings methodically and logically. You’re going to learn how to balance the stuff that you want to own with the space you have for it. When you find this balance, you’re going to learn how to keep it. For now, let’s stick to the quick-and-dirty purge, getting rid of the superficial stuff that is relatively easy to clear.
F.A.S.T.—Not Just an Acronym,
It’s a Plan of Action!
Whenever the conversation turns to decluttering and getting organized, I am frequently asked for a system or process that will help keep people on track. There are definitely some simple steps that will go a long way to ensuring your success. This is one of them.
Until further notice, don’t go out and buy anything. I know this sounds downright un-American, or unrealistic at the very least, but you now know that organization systems aren’t the right place to start and the volume of stuff coming into your home contributes to the clutter problem. This will temporarily stem the tide of new things coming into your home while we deal with what you already have.
We are about to have a quick purge of as much of the lazy clutter as possible. The goal is to move quickly. Don’t worry if you’re not ready to toss your size-two turquoise prom dress (you’ll get there, trust me) or the brass cast of the first pair of shoes your kid ever wore (I curse the brass dealer who came up with that collectible). Don’t tackle heavy emotional decisions yet. Just do it F.A.S.T.—not only does this mean “as quickly as possible,” but it also means following these simple steps. This is about to become your new mantra! The first step is to:
Fix a time.
Then concentrate on three types of clutter in your living spaces:
Anything not used for twelve months—if it hasn’t been used in a year, it’s time to go.
Someone else’s stuff—if it doesn’t belong to you, it’s time to go.
Trash—unusable items and garbage definitely have to go.
Fix a time
Scheduling a time that suits all those involved is very important. This process is an inclusive one and anyone who is involved in it is far more likely to be committed to a positive outcome and some permanent change. When you put the Kick Start on your calendar, take a vow of abstinence: No shopping un
til the purge is complete. Obviously you can buy necessities, but don’t wander malls or stores wondering if there’s anything you might want. No retail therapy and no spontaneous purchases—no bargains, no sales, no “great deals”! You can reward yourself (preferably with something experiential and less “material,” like a fancy dinner, a party, or a romantic getaway) when your home is clean and organized. Cleanup is a family affair so get everyone on board by scheduling your Kick Start at a time that works for everyone and make attendance mandatory for the whole family. Everyone’s going to benefit, so everyone’s got to help.
When it comes to scheduling your Kick Start, you have a choice. You can set aside a Saturday or Sunday (or other day off) for your Kick Start. Or, if that idea is overwhelming, you can do a little every day. My preference is to pick a day and definitely jump right in, but it’s your choice.
Anything not used for twelve months
Remember that the objective is to get stuff out of your home, not to move it to another room. When we were making the series Clean Sweep, it was not uncommon to take a ton of trash from each of the homes we worked in. A ton! I promise, you will be amazed by the sheer volume of unused and unneeded items in your home. Don’t spend time inventing reasons to keep these things. Ask yourself these questions as you encounter each piece of clutter:
Do I use this?
How long has it been since I’ve used it?
Will I use it again?
Is it worth the space it takes up in my house?
Time moves by very quickly. We buy things expecting to use them a lot and very often they are taken out of the box, given a trial run, and then left to gather dust. Kitchen items are definitely high on my list of items in this category. Bread machines, countertop grills, specialty baking pans, and a million timesaving (but definitely space-taking!), rarely used gizmos fill kitchens across this country. In my experience, close to half of what fills a kitchen has not seen the light of day in the last twelve months.
Face facts: If you haven’t used an item in the last year, it is highly unlikely that you really need it or that you are going to ever get enough use from it to justify it cluttering up your home. Take the plunge and get rid of it!
Keep in mind my client Rachel’s story. She went shopping with a friend who noticed that she was wearing ratty underwear. Her friend suggested they go to a lingerie store and pick up some nicer options. Then it came out that Rachel didn’t have room in her dresser for any new bras. Her underwear drawer was full of expensive La Perla bras that hadn’t fit her for two years. She couldn’t bring herself to throw them away because they were beautiful—and each bra had cost over a hundred dollars! So for two years she’d been stuck wearing the one, gray bra that fit. If you’re tempted to keep something because it was expensive, remember the difference between value and cost. Value is what something is worth. You spent a lot of money on it. To throw it away would mean admitting that the money was wasted. Now you need to think about the cost. What is it costing you to keep this item? How much space? How much energy? What about the peace of mind that comes from having a clean home full of things you use? You once made a decision to purchase this expensive thing that you never use. Now, if you keep it, you’ll be throwing good space after bad money.
Someone else’s stuff
Please understand something very basic about clutter: The moment it fills what should be your living space, you start to deprive yourself of the space you need to live as you should. It’s bad enough when the clutter is your own, but it is totally crazy when that clutter belongs to someone else. Are you a professional storage facility? I didn’t think so. Your house should not contain anything that doesn’t belong to you. This is a no-brainer. If it’s something you borrowed, give it back. If you’re never going to give it back because it’s been too long and you’re embarrassed, admit the truth, get rid of it, and pray for forgiveness. If you’ve ended a relationship or gotten a divorce and you’re storing your ex’s belongings, now’s the time to let it (and them) go. If your kids have finished school and established their own households, it’s time for them to pick up their stuff. If it’s not important enough for its owner to come get it, then why are you bothering to keep it for him or her? The same goes for family heirlooms that you keep but don’t like or use. This is your life. This is your home. You control your living space. Take it back.
Trash
The trash can is your friend. It is your very hungry friend. Feed it. Keep it full and happy. Take pride in how much you throw away. Make it fun. Compete with your family members to see who tosses the most. Award a prize to the best purger. Give someone else an award for the largest item in the garbage. Remember that you’re trying to create space. Matter is conserved. Bigger things take up more room. It’s really not that complicated.
Remember the goal: You only want to keep the amount of stuff that makes sense for your space. Will all the books fit on the bookcase? Will all the papers fit in the file cabinets? Will all the dishes fit in the cupboards? Will closets be used to hide away items you never use or to properly store items you use regularly? What is your emotional relationship with this pile of material goods? Are these your prized possessions? Is every single thing in this pile something you need, honor, and respect? Don’t spend too long reflecting. Just make your observations and acknowledge them to yourself and/or to your family.
DEAR PETER:
I think I got you in trouble. Today our garbage man knocked on our door to complain. He was annoyed at how much work we were making him do. I guess he had a right to complain, considering I had thrown out about half of our belongings. Boxes of old toys, mismatched dishes, old clothes, and a hideous chair that was my dad’s idea of a wedding present.
This is your chance to get rid of those piles of magazines, the junk mail, empty boxes, old newspapers, torn and soiled clothing, never-to-be-read books, outdated catalogs, damaged goods, and the years of trash and garbage that you have just neglected to pick up.
As you launch your Kick Start, keep F.A.S.T. in your head:
Fix a time—schedule a time and make it happen.
Anything not used for twelve months—out the door!
Someone else’s stuff—return it or get rid of it!
Trash—gone forever!
Ready? Here we go.
Advance Preparations
Schedule your Kick Start
It’s important to set a schedule, agree to it with your family or cohabitants, and stick to it. You can do a weekend purge or you can do a little every day. For the weekend purge, make sure the whole household has the day set aside. Pick a start time and an end time. Nobody takes phone calls, friends don’t stop by, and be sure to set a short time for lunch and an afternoon snack (you’ll need that energy!). Otherwise, no breaks allowed! For the weekday plan, make it the same thirty-minute time slot every day. Set the kitchen timer and go!
Assemble materials
Make sure you have trash bags on hand—filling them is your primary goal. For the weekend purge, make sandwiches a day in advance, have snacks ready, and plan on ordering pizza for dinner. This is serious stuff—no time for food prep! If you don’t have any, buy or borrow a few cheap tarps to use for sorting your stuff. Depending on the size of the job, consider renting a Dumpster that can be delivered to your home and carted away at the end of the Kick Start. Otherwise, enlist the help of neighbors who have space in their trash bins for all the extra detritus you’ll be discarding.
Define your target area
Set reasonable goals. For the weekend purge, pick your worst room, for example, the garage or the basement, or you could allocate one problem area to each family member, such as different closets or every person’s bedroom. For weekday purges, pick small, manageable areas. Your plan might say: “Monday: living room bookshelf. Tuesday: the piles of paper on the dining room table,” etc. Move systematically through your home.
Pick final destinations
There are only three options for each and every item you com
e across in this, your initial purge.
Keep. This is the stuff that you want to stay in your home. You use it all the time. It’s critical to the life you want to live. Or (let’s be honest) you don’t really use it, but can’t bear to part with it just now.
Trash. Remember that every bag you fill is space you’ve created to live and love your life. Everything you decide to throw away is a victory. Make it a competition to see who can fill more trash bags.
Out the door. So you’ve had trouble getting rid of stuff because it’s “valuable”? Well, here’s your chance to either make a little money or let someone put it to real use. The items that go into the “out the door” zone are items that you are either going to sell—a yard sale, on consignment, or even online—or you are going to donate to a charitable organization. Other items here include things that are being returned to their rightful owners or to someone who has a real use for that item. Once in this pile, the item never comes back into your home.
DEAR PETER:
During the last year, my mother and I have made over six hundred dollars at our two yard sales while making our homes better to live in and enjoy. My mother is elderly and on a fixed income. With the proceeds of the first sale, we were able to buy her a new oven since the one in her condo was an old, yucky drop-in. The new stove was basic, but it made the kitchen look great and increased the value of her home. All that for getting rid of things she did not need.
Where you decide to sell your items will very much determine the amount of effort involved. This can be hazardous as I have seen “out the door” items intended for yard selling still sitting in a garage six months later. If you don’t have the time or the discipline to sell your stuff, seriously consider donating it and getting a tax break instead. Items that cost you a lot of money can often be sold online. There are now Internet consignment stores all across the country that will take care of this for you. They are well worth the commission they take for handling every aspect of the sale.